Acknowledge me!

My oldest son was struggling with improving his soccer skills and couldn't quite get his coach to help him out. He practiced hard, he cleaned up the equipment, he was nice to his fellow players, he never missed a practice, yet he still didn't get the playing time he deserved. Finally, my husband and my son had a meeting with the coach. The conclusion of the meeting was that he was a nice kid, didn't ask for much and the coach forgot to acknowledge his efforts, or his communication efforts. I find that boys of all ages, including men, have the need and must be acknowledged in everything they do. Whether it be with their jobs, their sports, their relationships or their abilities, men need to be acknowledged. I have to say it applies to both good and bad acknowledgements. They deserve the credit when due, and they appreciate constructive criticism when done correctly. Even as a small baby learning to crawl they need mom and dad to clap their hands, or a small boy saying ten times a day, "Watch me!," or a young man building a tree house with dad, they crave acknowledgement. Men have preformed for woman in the early days with fighting, building, creating, growing and mating in order to get acknowledged by the opposite sex. And, the key to acknowledgements is that it directly leads to respect in a man's eyes. Mothers, Grandmothers, sisters and girlfriends will only succeed in their relationships with boys and men if they succeed in the right acknowledgements for the right thing at the right time.

Mommy is a human boxing bag

My sons seem to think I am invincible. I kinda like that feeling except when they are getting too big to manhandle them back. My sons will often come running to me if they're being chased by one another and won't slow down until they run full speed into me. I can usually brace myself when I hear the sound of thundering foot steps. Or, the times when they really want my attention and start hitting my thigh until I look down and say, "Can I help you?" Another time when they don't think I feel any pain is when I try to wrestle with them and it becomes 5 against 1. I weigh 118 pounds and they collectively weigh oh, about a thousand! Last night we had a thunder storm and my 9 year old came running into the room looking for comfort. I knew he was coming because us moms never sleep anyways and pow! He lands into my bed with a thump and pushes against me and grabs my hair to soothe himself. Well, hello child! The other day, my two "twins" (they are the same height, but two years apart) were going at it while I was in the kitchen and they banged into me while fighting with each other. They suddenly stopped, and looked at me like, oops, that was Mom we accidentally banged into. With sticky fingers, I grabbed both of them and set them down at the kitchen chairs and starred at them. This time, I won. Boys are very physical and will be as men, too. I don't mind them using up all my space, but sometimes, I need to remind them that a lady is in the house, too!

Girls are chasing me on the playground

I just picked up my 9 year old from soccer practice and he was all sweaty and dirty and full of adrenaline. Guzzling a jug of water, he says, "Hey mom, why do girls chase me on the playground?" Mmmm, I ponder that question before answering, because my answer depends on which child I'm talking to and the age. Answering that to a 7 year old is different than my 13 year old. "Well, I say, maybe because you're fast and they want a challenge." My son spins in his seat and says, "Yeah, and I like it!" I chuckle to myself and think, I liked it, too back in my days. He also tells me that he doesn't like girls talking to him on the playground. He doesn't like hanging out with his friends and then a girl comes up to him and starts asking him questions. He thinks that he has to stop playing with the boys and give her all the attention. He doesn't like choosing, he said. But, he likes being chased! And, he tells me, "They lie about stuff, too!" This one girls says she likes me and then asked another boy if I like her, and I tell her I don't, but she won't believe me." He is very confused about girl talk. Poor thing, I wanted to tell him, this is just the beginning. He'll never get used to girl talk and he doesn't stand a chance. Well, that's what my husband would say. My answer, coming from a "girl," is just. . . . keep chasing me!

It's a different kind of dirty

I was dressed in nice clothes to teach this morning. Somehow, by the end of my day, I look as dirty as my kids. I have chocolate on my shoulder from a chocolate smile that was first made by a hug. I have splatters on my shirt from helping a 9 year old chef mix cake batter. I have ink on my arm from my 11 year old reaching across from me to do his homework. I have a leaf in my hair from loading laundry into my dad's truck. I have dry wall powder in my hair from my husband's remodeling work, and smelly hands from picking up and cleaning soccer socks. I also have mascara smeared under my eyes from my busy day and a pony tail that is half undone. I look like a ragged doll instead of a working woman in New York. Well, that might be stretching it a bit, I'm only from a small town in West Michigan and I wear casual clothes from the clearance rack. I don't know how I can start out clean from a shower and end up filthy from being a mom of 5 boys and a husband and a male dog and a few neighbor kids. So, are you laughing now and saying, "Are you kidding me?"

It's a different kind of tired

Do boys ever get tired? I've been asked that question before. And, yes, they do. They actually run out of energy and fall dead asleep at the end of the day. However, my boys can camp all day and be non stop active from sunrise to sunset and claim not to be tired. Yet, the second full day of school completely whipped their little butts! My little guy came home and yelled, "That was the longest day ever!" Then, stormed in his room, cuddled his pillow and fell fast asleep at 4:30. My other boys couldn't bring themselves to ride their bikes or scooters after school, because they were beat tired. My big guy even got his fair share of run down exhaustion. He had to get on a bus and ride an hour for two soccer games, another hour on the bus back, then he got home at 11:00 pm. He collapsed onto our bed still in his uniform and couldn't move.
It's amazing to see how my boys can play all day without a break, yet when they started school this week, they can't function after 4:00! It will take some time for their brains to adjust, because school is tough mentally, whereas, playing isn't. I hope we all slow down soon and take a rest because, frankly, watching them is just plain. . . . tiring!

First day of School!

Today was the first day of school. UGH! Excitement, fears, nervousness, you name it, every emotion! I got up early and made a huge breakfast for the first two older sons. They love my Mommy McMuffin Sandwiches. It's a knock off of McDonald's breakfast sandwiches that one of my kids renamed! We ate slowly and talked. I made myself available by just sitting at the table and let the boys talk about whatever was on their minds. My husband was getting ready too, and he went to work later so that he could see them leave. My oldest son drove his brother to the junior high then he went to the high school. Then, I got the last three sons up. They popped out of bed all sleepy eyed, but eager. They ate well and we spent time talking about the day ahead. I drive my kids to school 30 minutes one way every day. I car pool with another family from my neighborhood. We had all our backpacks prepacked and ready to go. We got out the door on time. There were parents everywhere at the school. Parking and cars going every direction looked like chaos. I pulled up to the student drop off and kissed them goodbye. I didn't cry, but I felt a sense of loss. I had home schooled my children for many years, and having them go to a public school is very different for me. Even though I have my advanced teaching degrees, I'm still a parent first who deeply loves her children and misses them terribly. When I picked up my sons at the end of the day, I felt relieved! They only had two things to say. "I'm starving and I have to go to the bathroom!" No problem, warm cookies are ready and so am I!

A family that plays together, stays together

We've spent four days of the Labor Day weekend to play together. The boys have gone to car races, demolition races, soccer tournament and a cookout and boating with friends. The best part is the adults playing like kids which keeps us young and to enjoy our time with the boys. Yesterday, we had a cookout with friends who live on a lake. We did boating, tubing and jet skiing. It was so much fun screaming as my tube went careening across the water. My boys watched from the boat with big smiles on their faces. Today, our whole family went knee boarding on our lake. We stopped doing our chores for the afternoon and we took turns knee boarding and tubing while I took tons of pictures. We encouraged each other, cheered, clapped and worked as a team to manage the ropes and reset for the next rider. I love how we can do enjoy activities as a whole family. In the summer, we boat, tube, ride bikes, run, and play. In the winter, we down hill ski and snowboard, and we go snowmobiling and sledding. It is these times together, that we bond and strengthen our relationships. We learn of each other's weaknesses, fears, joy and accomplishments. We are the best team players and cheerleaders a family member could ever ask for!

Mommy chores vs. Daddy chores

Here we are with a four day weekend and no plans to travel. But, I have many chores on my list for the 5 boys to do. My sons squawk that my chores are boring and stupid, whereas, Dad's chores are fun and cool. I want them to clean their rooms including changing their sheets and dusting. My husband wants them to pick up the broken siding from a siding job he is working on. I want my sixteen year old son to vacuum his car including waxing and the interior. Dad takes him to the junk yard to find a part for the auto window mechanism. I need the boys to rake the beach and dump the washed up weeds, Dad has them raking old leaves down into a ravine and yes, they can jump into the piles and fool around in the woods. How can I compete with that? I make them dinners and desserts, Dad takes them to the racetrack to watch demolition races while eating junk food. I drive them to soccer games and launder their smelly uniforms and Dad takes them to the dump. I guess Dad wins hands down because he gives them dirty jobs and I give them cleaning jobs. The dirtier, the better, the cleaner, the loser!

Look what I can do

Every day, I hear my children say, "Mom, watch me!" My boys are so proud of their new abilities, that they want me to see it. They tell me to watch them do something several times a day. Boys love to perform for girls, and men love to perform for woman. It's human nature. They all do it. My little guy said earlier today, "Mom, watch me stand on my feet and shut the microwave door without climbing." Or , "Mom, watch me jump my scooter over the half pipe." "Mom, look at this huge fish I just caught!" My teenager isn't asking me to watch him anymore, but he likes it when I notice his achievements. I watch his soccer games, I watch him change the oil in the car, and I watch him lay papers graded with A's on the table. At this age, my sixteen year old will measure himself while standing next to his Dad, or punch his Dad to test his strength. He likes it when I ask him to open a jar, or reach to the top shelf and get me something. He may not ask me to watch him, but he does like having his achievements noticed. My boys love affection, need affirmation, and desire an audience. As they grew into men, I don't think that will change. Although someday it may not be riding a bike, or getting A's, but they will want me to watch them become husbands and fathers with the same amount of pride.

I'm scared

There are two ways that boys display their behavior when they're scared. They either want to be close and cuddle, or they are mean and need distance. There is no in between. I have a mix of both. Three of the boys need closeness and cuddling, and the other two need distance and if they can't have that space, they are mean. Fear instills meanness in them because they can't control their fear and they hate it. My two boys have very strong personalities. They are competitive, organized and born leaders. When faced with fear, they feel the need to control it and are incapable of dealing with their feelings. They verbalize their fear with being mean and hurtful until the fear subsides. Sometimes this is a good thing like using it on the soccer field, but not so good moments before going to the dentist.

My gentle ones need to be close and seek comfort when fear creeps in. During a thunder storm or a bad dream, they come find me in the dark and need to sleep with me until the fear is gone. Today, my little guy was waiting to get into the dentist chair, and was watching his older brother go first. Little guy crawled onto my lap and sat there until his turn. He needed comfort and I gladly gave it. One of my middle children plays with my hair and snuggles for comfort and another son will stand close and ask questions and seeks words of comfort. He is too old to show physical needs, but I know what he needs to hear and I put my hand on his shoulder or on his back to give light touches, yet subtle and manly enough to look good. Oddly enough, the strong personality guys give comfort to the passive ones if they need it. When little guy is scared, he will go to big brother's bed and sleep with him. If we are in a crowd and big brother feels a sense of fear from too many strangers, he will hold little guys hand and stay close to him. Sometimes, he will call his name rather harshly and tell him to stay close. Again his meanness is not intentional, it's just his way of dealing with this feelings and need to protect. I see these characteristics in my male family members; brothers, father, uncles, etc. In closing, I have to say that I don't prefer one way of dealing with fear over the other. I'm the mommy so I can deal and handle both personality types.

What are we doing today?

Not a day of boredom like yesterday. I took my boys tutoring with me today then met some friends for a playdate. The boys asked me about the days plans yesterday, and just before going to bed and again three more times before 9:00 am! Boys and men need to hear the schedule repeated at least five times before it sinks in. In the car, on the way to our friends house, my son asks, "What are we doing again?" So, I tell him and the other boys listen. Then, five minutes later, "Mom, are we going to the park with our friends, I know I just asked you, but I might ask you again later." Oh for goodness sakes, I had to repeat it again. We have three white boards in our kitchen that has the months schedule, the weekly schedule and a daily one. Yet, I still have to go over what we are doing and when.

My husband calls around 4:00 pm and asks, "So, honey, what's going on tonight?" I told him the day before our sons' soccer schedule, who's driving who to what field at what time. I graciously tell him the evening schedule and he repeats it back to me wrong, and we go over it again. Lord help me, stay sane, and if I get Alzheimer's disease, it'll be OK, cuz I'm just . . . . repeating myself!

Boredom leads to trouble

Boredom leads to trouble. It's that simple. When boys are bored, they get into trouble. They will wrestle, fight, find things that are adventurous, start a project and don't finish it, or eat! Doesn't that sound like grown men, too? We didn't have much planned for today. The weather was cool, but sunny, they didn't feel like swimming or playing outside, or calling a friend. SO, what did they do? fight and mess with each other all day long. I was on-call to referee most of the day. I could have drop all of my chores and responsibilities and did something with them, but I HAD to get house work done and my home business work done. But, that didn't work either, because I was constantly interrupted. My boys don't fight physically to hurt each other, they just wrestle on the floor until someone gets hurt or cries.

They tried fishing today. I found them hitting each other with their poles, throwing worms, and not playing so nicely with very small fish they just caught. Then, they tried to get their dad's tools out and build something. Which never got finished, only they left the tools out. And, every five minutes they raided the refrigerator and told me that there wasn't any food in the house. Yeah right! I just baked them banana bread, home made soup and cookies two hours earlier. They even did their chores with a gruff! Oh well, I've had days like this before and there will be plenty more of them to come. I just need to be one step ahead of them and on my guard. When is daddy coming home?