I'm scared

There are two ways that boys display their behavior when they're scared. They either want to be close and cuddle, or they are mean and need distance. There is no in between. I have a mix of both. Three of the boys need closeness and cuddling, and the other two need distance and if they can't have that space, they are mean. Fear instills meanness in them because they can't control their fear and they hate it. My two boys have very strong personalities. They are competitive, organized and born leaders. When faced with fear, they feel the need to control it and are incapable of dealing with their feelings. They verbalize their fear with being mean and hurtful until the fear subsides. Sometimes this is a good thing like using it on the soccer field, but not so good moments before going to the dentist.

My gentle ones need to be close and seek comfort when fear creeps in. During a thunder storm or a bad dream, they come find me in the dark and need to sleep with me until the fear is gone. Today, my little guy was waiting to get into the dentist chair, and was watching his older brother go first. Little guy crawled onto my lap and sat there until his turn. He needed comfort and I gladly gave it. One of my middle children plays with my hair and snuggles for comfort and another son will stand close and ask questions and seeks words of comfort. He is too old to show physical needs, but I know what he needs to hear and I put my hand on his shoulder or on his back to give light touches, yet subtle and manly enough to look good. Oddly enough, the strong personality guys give comfort to the passive ones if they need it. When little guy is scared, he will go to big brother's bed and sleep with him. If we are in a crowd and big brother feels a sense of fear from too many strangers, he will hold little guys hand and stay close to him. Sometimes, he will call his name rather harshly and tell him to stay close. Again his meanness is not intentional, it's just his way of dealing with this feelings and need to protect. I see these characteristics in my male family members; brothers, father, uncles, etc. In closing, I have to say that I don't prefer one way of dealing with fear over the other. I'm the mommy so I can deal and handle both personality types.